Music Misadventure

A lockdown drill with a class of 2nd graders who conveniently had indoor recess just before coming to music class:

1) Herd 28 children into a small, dark corner of the room, being sure to hide behind xylophones.

2) Keep said children completely quiet in the dark for 35 minutes. That was not a typo. Thirty-five. Minutes.

3) Deal with children (strangely, only boys, hmmm...) deciding it would be really funny to make bodily noises to make other kids laugh during drill.

4) Make sure wiggly children are not hit in the head with xylophones.

Good times were had by all. :)

A Scary Story (insert spooky music)

Every year on the 31st of October, all little children under the age of 10 seem to become possessed by a "candy demon." All elementary teachers live in dread of this day because it means a day of utter chaos in any and ALL elementary schools. These teachers know that for the next 24 hours, their students will not be their own--bouncing off the walls, running around in excited anticipation for a day of extreme sugar consumption. Anything teachers might try to accomplish educationally is all but futile. This is a very true and very scary story, and one that has descended upon the innocent elementary teachers of the world, once again!

*woman screams in the background, and a wolf howls

SAVE YOURSELVES!!!

Priorities for Marriage

In 2nd grade, we were talking about how my name could be changed into a rhythm for a Halloween Song and so I mentioned I am a "Miss" and not a "Mrs."

Boy raised his arm and proclaimed, "You're not married?! You should go to ineedsomeonetomarry.com... I've heard they have a LOT of hot people on there!"

Sometimes...I am just speechless.

Trick or Treat

We were talking about "gross things" to put into a Halloween Soup in 2nd Grade.

2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest! Let's put in your husband! Hahaha!"
Me: "I don't have one of those, but nice try!"
Boy: "Really?! That means you can marry Bobby!*  See, Bobby?!" (Bobby turns bright red.)

*Names always changed to protect the cute.

Message in a Bottle

A little girl in 4th grade made me the world's "tiniest Spongebob picture" which was approximately the size of my thumb.  She rolled it up as a "surprise to open" inside a pencil top eraser.

Competition

On Thursday, I played a rhythm game with a class of 1st graders that involved a "Me vs Them" sort of feel.  They had had quite a winning streak, so...

Mrs. Clamforest: You are all too smart to be first graders!
Boy, age 6: You're going DOWN Clamforest!

I pity da fool!

PS: This the same boy who told me to "man up" earlier this semester.  He must have a super masculine teenage brother. ;)

In  pretty much unrelated news, besides intimidating fistness, this is awesome.

Just What I Always Wanted!

The first graders at school were putting on a concert.  I told them that for one song, I would need to pick one child for a "solo part."

1st grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest!! If you pick me for the solo, I will give you my wiggly tooth when it comes out!

Child opens mouth as wide as childly possible and shows me his wiggly (and bloody) tooth.

Small Boys Discuss These Things?

Boy, age 9, "Mrs. Clamforest, are you still single?"Me: "Yep."
Boy: "Goody!"
Me: "Why goody?!"
2nd boy, age 9: "Because we are arguing about who gets to marry you."

If anyone out there ever needs a pick me up, I recommend teaching elementary school for just one day--you'll have it! :)

Tough love

Times when it's hard to keep a straight face while disciplining:
5 year old boy: "MRS. CLAMFOREST!!!!!! PLEEEEAAASSE don't write my name on the board!!!! I love you so much!!!!"

Nice try, pal. ;)

Facial Hair

A second grade boy showed up to music with a couple of pieces of tape attached to his chin...

Me: "What's going on with your chin buddy?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I decided to grow a goatee."
Me: "Starting a bit early, aren't we?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I'm pretending it's real!"

Colors of the Wind

5 year old girl: "Mrs. Clamforest!!! You smell like sugar cookies and sing like Pocahontas!"

What do you think? Any resemblance?

Best. Moment. Ever.

I think the highlight of my teaching career thus far happened:

I am teaching piano to a developmentally and mentally delayed little girl after school. She played her first song correctly, jumped up from the piano, gave me a hug and said, " I NEVER do anything right, but I did it!!"

Must remember things like this these days. :)

Good Times

1) Child announces that she has poison ivy all over herself, so should she not be playing our hand clapping game?

2) Another child projectile vomits all over my trash can.

3) I herd 30 small children into gym to finish music because of how the room now smells.

4) While in the gym, another child starts crying because a baby tooth has just fallen out and blood is gushing everywhere.

This all happened in forty-five minutes.

But When I'm 70, I'll Appreciate It

I went to apply for a library card. The lady behind the desk told me that before she could get me a card, I would have to prove that I was, in fact, a public school student by showing her my student ID or a recent report card.

Then I had to tell her that I'm 27 and it was a little awkward...

I realize I might look a "little" younger than my age, but a high school student?! That's just silly. :)

Tough luck

Attention! I am officially a "big, fat meany head." So says a 5 year old boy, who threw himself down on the ground after not being picked as my special helper in music class.

"Life's not fair" reality check.

What happened to "oh, fudge"?

Boy, age 5: "FISH FACE!!! I just got brand new tie shoes yesterday and I practiced so I could show you how I can tie them, but I forgot to wear them!!!"

I love google.

Boo-boo: The Non-Halloween Variety

A little girl in 1st grade announced that she had a hurt finger and needed a band-aid to fix it. Of course, this prompted:


"Can I get a band-aid?"
"What about my knee?"
"Look at my boo-boo!"
"Have you seen my elbow?"

All better!

After this chorus of "I am hurt too, Mrs. Clamforest," a little boy in the class stood up and said, "GUYS! We're not playing the 'I'm hurt game' in music class today!"

Some little ones must have received a lecture earlier in the day. :)

"You say tomato, I say tomahto"

3rd Grade Boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, can I play the tangerine for our song today?"

input

I search internal database for an 8 year old word association.

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

output

Me: "Ahhh, yes... Do you mean a tambourine?"

Little Brother Strikes Again

I've heard a lot of excuses about "not being able to play my recorder today," but this takes the cake:

4th Grade Girl: "Mrs. Clamforest, I don't think I'll be able to use my recorder today."

Me: "Why is that?"

Girl: "Well, my little brother stuffed it with mashed potatoes last night."

Me: "Why on earth would he do that?!"

Girl: "I don't think he likes them very much! He was trying to hide them from our parents!"

Guess the dog missed out...

No Crying Allowed

I played a game with some 1st graders.  I wrote "tricky rhythms" on the board and they had to clap and say them "without my help."

One time when they got a rhythm right, I pretended to cry and said, "Boo hoo, you are all grown up and don't need my help anymore!"

To which a little boy responded: "You need to MAN UP! Real men don't cry!"

In other news, this same child called me "Mrs. Cabbletree" earlier in the same class period.

Benjamina Button

1st grader: "Mrs. Clamforest, how old are you?"

Me: "I'm getting too old to remember....I think I'm 84?"

1st grader: "Noooooo! You don't look that old! I think you're only 13!"

Somewhere in between, little one. ;)

Job Benefits

2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, I made an instrument at recess and made a song to play for music!"

Me: "Okay, let's hear!"

He took out a piece of grass and blew into it, playing his "song" while his cheeks swelled up like a blowfish and his eyes crossed a little.

I totally get paid to witness wonderful moments like this.

BFFs

There is a little boy in 2nd grade (who is quite possibly the cutest child I teach) who comes in every Thursday before school with a little girl from his class, and the two of them tell me all about their week, what their moms packed them for lunch, etc.

Totally. adorable.

Today he came through the door, gave me a huge hug, and said, "Mrs. Clamforest, you are my best friend!"

Around the World

I was showing a class of first graders different instruments and explaining that each one came from a different place: Africa, Mexico, Germany, China, Jamaica, etc.

Every time I mentioned a new location, a little boy hopped up and down and cried, "Ohhh!!! I've been there!"

One of two things is happening here:

1) He's not quite telling the truth.
2) At the age of 6, he has already been to more places than most of us will ever go in our lives.


I may need to ask his parents about possible summertime nanny positions...

Write-Offs

Random Thought of the Day:

Shouldn't elementary school teachers be able to write-off hand sanitizer on their tax returns?


Not. kidding.

I couldn't resist this sample picture.  Maybe I should try that...

Parental Supervision?

3rd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, I have a present for you! It's my lucky penny!"

Me: "That's very sweet of you, but you don't need to give me your lucky penny; it must be very special!"

Boy: "Yep, it is! I found it stuck in the bottom of our lawnmower! You can have it though, I don't mind!"

Where do these boys come from?

1st grade boy: "MRS. CLAMFOREST!!! I love you so much and I wish I could marry you!"

Me: "Wow, thanks!"

1st grade boy: "When can we have our wedding?!"

Me: "Oh, in about 20 years..."

Thanks for the commentary

I was explaining to a class of 2nd graders the correct way to raise your hand to ask a question in the music classroom. In order to show the "wrong way," I flailed my arms around above my head and received the following comment:

2nd Grade Boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, your arms are all wiggly, kind of like flapping around!"



Ouch.

Dum Dum Bah Dum

I woke up at 3am singing "Elephants Have Wrinkles," a current favorite with Kindergarteners for learning to show steady beat. Please make it stop.

Maybe she's born with it...maybe it's Maybelline.

I tried wearing eye makeup to school.

3rd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, did you get into a fight or something? Your eyes look weird."

What?

Mr. Smith

2nd grade boy: "Mrs Clamforest, is that my sister's name on the board?!"

Me: "Yes, it is."

Boy (with hands folded across chest and furrowed eyebrows): "Well if that happens again, you can let me know and I'll talk to her for you, because I'm going to be a CIA Agent one day!"

To be or not to be

I was showing a class of 2nd graders a little trick dog I have on a leash, which can "keep a steady beat to music."

It's made out of Styrofoam.

The kids were arguing about whether or not he was real and a little boy said: "We can't say if he's real or not, that's only for God to know."

Farm Girl

I had two french-braids in my hair.

1st grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, I think you are pretty, and that you look just like a farm girl today...and I love you."

It makes me happy that little boys are so darn cute. :)

Love and Marriage

8 year old boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, do you remember in 2nd grade when I asked you to marry me?"
Me: "Yep."
Boy: "Well, I was wondering if you had time to think about it at all?"
Me: "Ummm...."
Boy: "Because, do you remember you told me, 'I will think about it,' and I just wondered if you did yet..."

After I got done laughing a little bit and being surprised, I told him, "If I'm not married in 20 years down the road, maybe we can talk at that point."

I think that was a good enough response for him, because he dropped it and ran off to play a xylophone with the rest of his class. ;)

Beethoven

Another reason to keep music in schools:

Me: "Today, we're going to be learning about Beethoven!"
4th Grader: "Oh yeah! He was in that movie with all those kids!"
Me: "Well, way before he was a dog, he was a really great composer!"
4th Grader: "Well, I bet more people know about the dog."

*Eye twitches*

Really, Mrs. Puff?

First day teaching story:

I introduced myself to a class of 1st graders today and told them I sometimes like to watch the show "Spongebob Squarepants."

1st Grade Boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, you kind of look like a character from that show!"

1st Grade Girl: "Yeah, like Mrs. Puff!"

Thanks...

Hey there

Today as one class of Kindergarteners was walking out the door after music class, a boy turned around and said, "Mrs. Clamforest, I really enjoy spending time with you!"

And then he gave me the "wink and gun" and a sly grin...

The problem is that these adorable little boys are about 20 years too late. ;)