Every year on the 31st of October, all little children under the age of 10 seem to become possessed by a "candy demon." All elementary teachers live in dread of this day because it means a day of utter chaos in any and ALL elementary schools. These teachers know that for the next 24 hours, their students will not be their own--bouncing off the walls, running around in excited anticipation for a day of extreme sugar consumption. Anything teachers might try to accomplish educationally is all but futile. This is a very true and very scary story, and one that has descended upon the innocent elementary teachers of the world, once again!
*woman screams in the background, and a wolf howls
SAVE YOURSELVES!!!
Priorities for Marriage
In 2nd grade, we were talking about how my name could be changed into a rhythm for a Halloween Song and so I mentioned I am a "Miss" and not a "Mrs."
Boy raised his arm and proclaimed, "You're not married?! You should go to ineedsomeonetomarry.com... I've heard they have a LOT of hot people on there!"
Sometimes...I am just speechless.
Boy raised his arm and proclaimed, "You're not married?! You should go to ineedsomeonetomarry.com... I've heard they have a LOT of hot people on there!"
Sometimes...I am just speechless.
Trick or Treat
We were talking about "gross things" to put into a Halloween Soup in 2nd Grade.
2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest! Let's put in your husband! Hahaha!"
Me: "I don't have one of those, but nice try!"
Boy: "Really?! That means you can marry Bobby!* See, Bobby?!" (Bobby turns bright red.)
*Names always changed to protect the cute.
2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest! Let's put in your husband! Hahaha!"
Me: "I don't have one of those, but nice try!"
Boy: "Really?! That means you can marry Bobby!* See, Bobby?!" (Bobby turns bright red.)
*Names always changed to protect the cute.
Message in a Bottle
A little girl in 4th grade made me the world's "tiniest Spongebob picture" which was approximately the size of my thumb. She rolled it up as a "surprise to open" inside a pencil top eraser.
Competition
On Thursday, I played a rhythm game with a class of 1st graders that involved a "Me vs Them" sort of feel. They had had quite a winning streak, so...
Mrs. Clamforest: You are all too smart to be first graders!
Boy, age 6: You're going DOWN Clamforest!
PS: This the same boy who told me to "man up" earlier this semester. He must have a super masculine teenage brother. ;)
Mrs. Clamforest: You are all too smart to be first graders!
Boy, age 6: You're going DOWN Clamforest!
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| I pity da fool! |
PS: This the same boy who told me to "man up" earlier this semester. He must have a super masculine teenage brother. ;)
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| In pretty much unrelated news, besides intimidating fistness, this is awesome. |
Just What I Always Wanted!
The first graders at school were putting on a concert. I told them that for one song, I would need to pick one child for a "solo part."
1st grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest!! If you pick me for the solo, I will give you my wiggly tooth when it comes out!
Child opens mouth as wide as childly possible and shows me his wiggly (and bloody) tooth.
1st grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest!! If you pick me for the solo, I will give you my wiggly tooth when it comes out!
Child opens mouth as wide as childly possible and shows me his wiggly (and bloody) tooth.
Small Boys Discuss These Things?
Boy, age 9, "Mrs. Clamforest, are you still single?"Me: "Yep."
Boy: "Goody!"
Me: "Why goody?!"
2nd boy, age 9: "Because we are arguing about who gets to marry you."
If anyone out there ever needs a pick me up, I recommend teaching elementary school for just one day--you'll have it! :)
Boy: "Goody!"
Me: "Why goody?!"
2nd boy, age 9: "Because we are arguing about who gets to marry you."
If anyone out there ever needs a pick me up, I recommend teaching elementary school for just one day--you'll have it! :)
Tough love
Times when it's hard to keep a straight face while disciplining:
5 year old boy: "MRS. CLAMFOREST!!!!!! PLEEEEAAASSE don't write my name on the board!!!! I love you so much!!!!"
Nice try, pal. ;)
5 year old boy: "MRS. CLAMFOREST!!!!!! PLEEEEAAASSE don't write my name on the board!!!! I love you so much!!!!"
Nice try, pal. ;)
Facial Hair
A second grade boy showed up to music with a couple of pieces of tape attached to his chin...
Me: "What's going on with your chin buddy?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I decided to grow a goatee."
Me: "Starting a bit early, aren't we?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I'm pretending it's real!"
Me: "What's going on with your chin buddy?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I decided to grow a goatee."
Me: "Starting a bit early, aren't we?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I'm pretending it's real!"
Colors of the Wind
5 year old girl: "Mrs. Clamforest!!! You smell like sugar cookies and sing like Pocahontas!"
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| What do you think? Any resemblance? |
Best. Moment. Ever.
I think the highlight of my teaching career thus far happened:
I am teaching piano to a developmentally and mentally delayed little girl after school. She played her first song correctly, jumped up from the piano, gave me a hug and said, " I NEVER do anything right, but I did it!!"
Must remember things like this these days. :)
I am teaching piano to a developmentally and mentally delayed little girl after school. She played her first song correctly, jumped up from the piano, gave me a hug and said, " I NEVER do anything right, but I did it!!"
Must remember things like this these days. :)
Good Times
1) Child announces that she has poison ivy all over herself, so should she not be playing our hand clapping game?
2) Another child projectile vomits all over my trash can.
3) I herd 30 small children into gym to finish music because of how the room now smells.
4) While in the gym, another child starts crying because a baby tooth has just fallen out and blood is gushing everywhere.
This all happened in forty-five minutes.
But When I'm 70, I'll Appreciate It
I went to apply for a library card. The lady behind the desk told me that before she could get me a card, I would have to prove that I was, in fact, a public school student by showing her my student ID or a recent report card.
Then I had to tell her that I'm 27 and it was a little awkward...
I realize I might look a "little" younger than my age, but a high school student?! That's just silly. :)
Then I had to tell her that I'm 27 and it was a little awkward...
I realize I might look a "little" younger than my age, but a high school student?! That's just silly. :)
Tough luck
Attention! I am officially a "big, fat meany head." So says a 5 year old boy, who threw himself down on the ground after not being picked as my special helper in music class.
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| "Life's not fair" reality check. |
What happened to "oh, fudge"?
Boy, age 5: "FISH FACE!!! I just got brand new tie shoes yesterday and I practiced so I could show you how I can tie them, but I forgot to wear them!!!"
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| I love google. |
Boo-boo: The Non-Halloween Variety
A little girl in 1st grade announced that she had a hurt finger and needed a band-aid to fix it. Of course, this prompted:
"Can I get a band-aid?"
"What about my knee?"
"Look at my boo-boo!"
"Have you seen my elbow?"
After this chorus of "I am hurt too, Mrs. Clamforest," a little boy in the class stood up and said, "GUYS! We're not playing the 'I'm hurt game' in music class today!"
Some little ones must have received a lecture earlier in the day. :)
"Can I get a band-aid?"
"What about my knee?"
"Look at my boo-boo!"
"Have you seen my elbow?"
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| All better! |
Some little ones must have received a lecture earlier in the day. :)
"You say tomato, I say tomahto"
3rd Grade Boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, can I play the tangerine for our song today?"
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| input |
I search internal database for an 8 year old word association.
Processing...
Processing...
Processing...
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| output |
Little Brother Strikes Again
I've heard a lot of excuses about "not being able to play my recorder today," but this takes the cake:
4th Grade Girl: "Mrs. Clamforest, I don't think I'll be able to use my recorder today."
Me: "Why is that?"
Girl: "Well, my little brother stuffed it with mashed potatoes last night."
Me: "Why on earth would he do that?!"
Girl: "I don't think he likes them very much! He was trying to hide them from our parents!"
4th Grade Girl: "Mrs. Clamforest, I don't think I'll be able to use my recorder today."
Me: "Why is that?"
Girl: "Well, my little brother stuffed it with mashed potatoes last night."
Me: "Why on earth would he do that?!"
Girl: "I don't think he likes them very much! He was trying to hide them from our parents!"
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| Guess the dog missed out... |
No Crying Allowed
I played a game with some 1st graders. I wrote "tricky rhythms" on the board and they had to clap and say them "without my help."
One time when they got a rhythm right, I pretended to cry and said, "Boo hoo, you are all grown up and don't need my help anymore!"
To which a little boy responded: "You need to MAN UP! Real men don't cry!"
In other news, this same child called me "Mrs. Cabbletree" earlier in the same class period.
One time when they got a rhythm right, I pretended to cry and said, "Boo hoo, you are all grown up and don't need my help anymore!"
To which a little boy responded: "You need to MAN UP! Real men don't cry!"
In other news, this same child called me "Mrs. Cabbletree" earlier in the same class period.
Benjamina Button
1st grader: "Mrs. Clamforest, how old are you?"
Me: "I'm getting too old to remember....I think I'm 84?"
1st grader: "Noooooo! You don't look that old! I think you're only 13!"
Somewhere in between, little one. ;)
Me: "I'm getting too old to remember....I think I'm 84?"
1st grader: "Noooooo! You don't look that old! I think you're only 13!"
Somewhere in between, little one. ;)
Job Benefits
2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest, I made an instrument at recess and made a song to play for music!"
Me: "Okay, let's hear!"
He took out a piece of grass and blew into it, playing his "song" while his cheeks swelled up like a blowfish and his eyes crossed a little.
I totally get paid to witness wonderful moments like this.
Me: "Okay, let's hear!"
He took out a piece of grass and blew into it, playing his "song" while his cheeks swelled up like a blowfish and his eyes crossed a little.
I totally get paid to witness wonderful moments like this.
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