Music Misadventure

A lockdown drill with a class of 2nd graders who conveniently had indoor recess just before coming to music class:

1) Herd 28 children into a small, dark corner of the room, being sure to hide behind xylophones.

2) Keep said children completely quiet in the dark for 35 minutes. That was not a typo. Thirty-five. Minutes.

3) Deal with children (strangely, only boys, hmmm...) deciding it would be really funny to make bodily noises to make other kids laugh during drill.

4) Make sure wiggly children are not hit in the head with xylophones.

Good times were had by all. :)

A Scary Story (insert spooky music)

Every year on the 31st of October, all little children under the age of 10 seem to become possessed by a "candy demon." All elementary teachers live in dread of this day because it means a day of utter chaos in any and ALL elementary schools. These teachers know that for the next 24 hours, their students will not be their own--bouncing off the walls, running around in excited anticipation for a day of extreme sugar consumption. Anything teachers might try to accomplish educationally is all but futile. This is a very true and very scary story, and one that has descended upon the innocent elementary teachers of the world, once again!

*woman screams in the background, and a wolf howls

SAVE YOURSELVES!!!

Priorities for Marriage

In 2nd grade, we were talking about how my name could be changed into a rhythm for a Halloween Song and so I mentioned I am a "Miss" and not a "Mrs."

Boy raised his arm and proclaimed, "You're not married?! You should go to ineedsomeonetomarry.com... I've heard they have a LOT of hot people on there!"

Sometimes...I am just speechless.

Trick or Treat

We were talking about "gross things" to put into a Halloween Soup in 2nd Grade.

2nd grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest! Let's put in your husband! Hahaha!"
Me: "I don't have one of those, but nice try!"
Boy: "Really?! That means you can marry Bobby!*  See, Bobby?!" (Bobby turns bright red.)

*Names always changed to protect the cute.

Message in a Bottle

A little girl in 4th grade made me the world's "tiniest Spongebob picture" which was approximately the size of my thumb.  She rolled it up as a "surprise to open" inside a pencil top eraser.

Competition

On Thursday, I played a rhythm game with a class of 1st graders that involved a "Me vs Them" sort of feel.  They had had quite a winning streak, so...

Mrs. Clamforest: You are all too smart to be first graders!
Boy, age 6: You're going DOWN Clamforest!

I pity da fool!

PS: This the same boy who told me to "man up" earlier this semester.  He must have a super masculine teenage brother. ;)

In  pretty much unrelated news, besides intimidating fistness, this is awesome.

Just What I Always Wanted!

The first graders at school were putting on a concert.  I told them that for one song, I would need to pick one child for a "solo part."

1st grade boy: "Mrs. Clamforest!! If you pick me for the solo, I will give you my wiggly tooth when it comes out!

Child opens mouth as wide as childly possible and shows me his wiggly (and bloody) tooth.

Small Boys Discuss These Things?

Boy, age 9, "Mrs. Clamforest, are you still single?"Me: "Yep."
Boy: "Goody!"
Me: "Why goody?!"
2nd boy, age 9: "Because we are arguing about who gets to marry you."

If anyone out there ever needs a pick me up, I recommend teaching elementary school for just one day--you'll have it! :)

Tough love

Times when it's hard to keep a straight face while disciplining:
5 year old boy: "MRS. CLAMFOREST!!!!!! PLEEEEAAASSE don't write my name on the board!!!! I love you so much!!!!"

Nice try, pal. ;)

Facial Hair

A second grade boy showed up to music with a couple of pieces of tape attached to his chin...

Me: "What's going on with your chin buddy?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I decided to grow a goatee."
Me: "Starting a bit early, aren't we?"
2nd Grade Boy: "I'm pretending it's real!"